I'm currently trying to work out how to gracefully ride out the highs and lows life so elegantly thrusts upon us. When things are good, it's like, 'yeah, I'm awesome. I got life all sorted out, nothing will ever go wrong again!' Easy, life is great, exciting, brilliant. And then, for no apparent reason (other than moon cycles, feminine cycles, and other multi-dimensional factors...riiiight) there's a sudden shift in mood. It's like the opposite of the aforementioned 'when things are good.' It's a road block, a highly inconvenient feeling of lack, self-doubt and confusion sets in. Within the fog, you're out of nowhere wondering where the hell you went wrong, what did you DO to deserve to feel so shit, why can't you just be a better person and how is EVERYONE better than you?! Well, the list goes on. When I'm tired, sad, worn-out, confused, it's easy to get stuck in a rut, like I'm sloppily slipping into a sticky pool of quick sand...the more I struggle the harder it is to get out. The 'struggle' is the spiral. Why do I feel so shit? Effortlessly leads into old patterns and negative self-talk. 'I'll never be good enough, I'm not meant to have what I want, it's too hard, I'm fat and ugly...' Way to go mind, strike when I'm down why don't ya. Nice, innit.
Remembering Who I Am
If you get what I'm talking about, you too have experienced the lashings of the fear mind, the dominant mind in our world today (but not for long...mwahahahahahahahaaaaaa!) If you have no idea what I'm talking about, well done, you're happy...your parents probably loved you better, so your life is just peachy. I'm happy for you. Really, I am. Okay, there's still part of me that feels envy, 'if only I'd...' but I am learning. I am, in good moments, remembering who/what I am. I feel powerful, infinitely loving and truly beautiful. And this peace, this love, this compassion is what keeps me going. What I am brutally aware of at every down turn, every mood swing, is that there's more. More pain, more shame, more distorted beliefs that are not lining up and they need to be addressed. Sigh.
Trusting the Universe
It's as if whenever I reach a goal it doesn't quite feel 'enough.' And it isn't. Why? Because, I am still holding on, somewhere in me, to the belief that I am not enough. DAMN YOU!!!!!!!! So, what can I do? Well first, I'm gonna have to accept it. I have to trust the Universe knows what it's doing and is in fact, leading me down a foggy trail where I can attempt to dislodge some undesirable information that got stuck in there. Whenever it comes up, I am going to feel it, I am going to allow memories and thoughts to move through me until I get to the bottom of it. Then, I'll lovingly let it go...well, more like pray to God that this passes soon!
The ebbs and flows are part of the miracle of our existence and perfection of our evolution. The flows are teaching us what to keep reaching for or feeling for and the ebbs are teaching us about what needs to go, how to be kind to ourselves and how to be quiet. Our awareness is super important in all this, because without it we tend to try and hold onto the highs and resist the lows. This only perpetuates the cycle and makes it more extreme, thus creating a much harder fall or false high (two sides of the same coin!)
I think we get caught in this cycle because the mechanistic world we live in does not allow for 'flow.' We must work to pay the bills, feed the children and the moment we come up for air, we are exhausted, but instead of sleeping or resting or taking quality 'self-care' time, we just keep it going. More stress in the mind, play with the kids, argue with spouse, go and get drunk with mates, etc. We have not yet, as a collective, come to an agreement on actually taking care of ourselves. And that means, taking care of mind, body and spirit. Listening to the whole and allowing the whole to communicate its needs. When we listen to the whole, we know what to do. Little insight, when we make personal self-care a top priority, a lot of the worlds problems will begin to fall away. Just like that.