I love just sitting and listening to my thoughts...the good ones. The ones that make me feel super human, blissed out, in love and oh so happy. Now, I realize, those are the ones I am supposed to listen to. Nothing else. I am the master of my own mind and I can choose in every moment what I want to think, or how I want to think about any situation. Mainly me. How do I feel about myself, this life and this experience?
I finally feel able to write again, after a long hiatus. It's been a funny year. A lot of shifting, changing, and inner-mind-work-planning (that's meditating and visualizing LOTS). It's all within me...really.
My life is changing. I am going through massive shifts. Letting go of all that I have worked toward in the last 8 years and moving into a more authentic and truthful life; by being me.
You know. We are told we are meant to be something. Choose a career. Blah, blah, blah. What if I don't want to choose anything outside of myself? What if I just want to be me? Could that be enough? Could I make a truly kickass life, by not striving anymore, by simply, everyday being exactly who I am and letting whatever wants to flow out of me be what I am. This is how I want to 'make a living.' By just being.
It's too tiring to try to be someone or something else. It doesn't make any sense to me anymore. I just want to give up, give in to living. Living from Love mostly. Living my truth within me and letting go of the rest. I don't need to fit into any else's reality. I only need to accept and love my own.
I can feel it. I am creating something very pure and beautiful. I don't want to hurt anymore by trying to squash it into someone else's idea of what life is supposed to be. I only want to be free and happy.
So, I've been really hyper aware of transmuting old energy patterns within myself. Just now, I got a text from someone and felt this spike of nervousness, fear, overwhelm. I caught it. Sat with it. I needed to ask myself, 'what is this? Do I need it?' See, what I realize (and this may sound paradoxical) is that I am not here to change or help anyone? I am only here to heal and bring forth the vision that is within me. How others feel and what they are doing with their lives is for them. I can only lead by example. And my example is not to compromise my own truthful desires. If what I desire is pure and for the good of all, I need to stop second guessing myself and compromising my feelings by all the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda's'. Stop fusing, meddling and merging with other people's energy systems. It's okay to be a loner. I mean, that is just an illusion too. I am never alone. But the world, as I see it, is mine to create and if I unconsciously merge with other people's stuff, then my vision and focus becomes muddled. And heck, it changes day to day, moment-to-moment. Always changing. New insights. New realities are continuously being born and brought forth. But, for me, in this moment, I know that there is A LOT of work to do and the only way to do it, is to be super focused and listening intently inward to that which wants to be expressed. I can't do much else. My energy levels are seriously strict with me. It's as if some higher power will not let me be a wimpy victim anymore. Like, 'uh-uh, sorry, you gotta stay totally true now...no more dickin' about in a world that does not serve you, with minds that do not serve you.' So that's it. My manifesto is legit. That's my thing now. Just inwardly transmute all dense and dark energies and vibrate Love. Be happy. Listen and act from within this place of empowered Love.
See, even these blogs. I am not really writing this. It's just what's coming through. I can't try to be witty or clever, it hurts my brain. I can't keep teaching yoga, cause my knees hurt and I feel tired. I can't compromise myself, because it feels uneasy and shameful. I need only be present. I need only be true to who I am in every moment. How that makes others' feel is there own work to do. My liberation has not been that easy, necessarily, but it's been so worth it. I can feel fear dissolving with every empowering word I express. I can feel clarity and peace expanding with every meditation and emotional transformation.
This writing, these words come through me because they want to be expressed. Once surrendered to service. Once you give it up all to Love and keep giving it up all to love, Love takes care of you. FULLY.
I redefine my reality because I am ready. I am ready to let go of ALL the rules. Of every body else's systems and ways of being and give myself permission to create all my own. This is my life no one else's. I love this world and everything within it. But in order to expand that Love, I gotta be true. I gotta express what's within me, without holding back, without shying away. It's time to rise.
BOOM-SHAKALAKA!! Peace out :) xo