I've been in London for just over three days. I do love this city. Choose your location wisely and you're in for a real treat. I am here because I am being guided to do more talking, aka. Public Speaking. I go over in my mind, why can't I just be happy where I am, doing what I am doing? It seems to work for some people. I enjoy what I do, on so many levels I am content, happy even. But no. For some insane reason I feel the need to go to London, book a space and plan a one-woman show. Now, since the date is booked, I wonder, 'Am I actually crazy!?' Why do I feel the need to do this? To speak to total strangers about my mind, my beliefs, my pain, my journey and my vision for the world...will they throw stuff at me? Will they heckle me? Am I totally out of my depth here? I speak to my director friend about the content of my show and he says, 'avoid using the word love too much. You'll scare people away.' Riiiight, and here, my website is allto-love.
And now, reflecting on the last few days, with an achey body, after a four-hour intensive acting class with Director Friend, where his method is based on exhaustion to access raw emotion and move through barriers and fears...I totally wonder, 'what the hell am I doing!?' And breathe.
To be honest, besides the fact that I can barely move my right arm due to an exercise we practiced for 45 minutes yesterday (very unbalanced in my humble yoga-vibe opinion) I am not phased by any of it. I am simply listening to the voice within and doing what it tells me. 'You want me to do a show? You want me to express myself more?' Fine.
I realized I do indeed live in my own little bubble. My mystical ways have drawn me deeper into the nether-regions of mind expansion and discipline, so that I can overcome my old pain, live in presence and create the life of my dreams. I totally forget, from my immersive meditative world, that not everyone thinks how I think and that a) I can sound really far-out or completely insane to some people and/or b) people really appreciate what I say, find it useful and go away to apply it to their own lives. Result!
When I doubt, feel fearful or lost, I remind myself to listen. To remember my intention is pure and coming from a place of love. If I can have a positive impact on someone or a group of people, that is enough. In my heart, do I want to live in peace? Yes. Do I want all beings to feel joy and be happy? Yes. Can I do more? Probably. Which is why I am in London. Director Friend wants me to sell tickets, stay focused, map out the show and avoid using the word Love and Divine. I just want to be myself. I want to listen to my heart and speak out. I want to connect to people and help them see the world with fresh and open eyes. To awaken from slumber, so that we can one by one become realized and begin to soften the edges of the old 'fear mind' paradigm and gently re-create the world's structures so that our world is more naturally sustaining for all.
I am not an activist. I'd rather have no labels attached to my aliveness. I just want to be myself and shine a light. My work from today, is to pratice more joy, more play and to write down more thoughts. To reflect on how I can continue to expand and feel love all day, everyday, for all.
I open myself to strangers because I know deep within that we are not strangers. We are One.
Now then...all this has been a massive learning curve and beautiful lesson. I have realized the extent to which we act out old patterns until lesson learned. Director Friend forced me to look at myself in a new light, I was using his life to try and control mine. And finally, I let go. There will be no London show...not one that I set up for myself anyway, trying to 'make things happen' and rigidly dictate the direction of my life. Sometimes, we must let people go in order to expand in the direction we are desiring to go. Lessons are truly miraculous and we know absolutely when we have broken free from our old ways by the freedom we experience upon the release.
Catapulting ourselves into new ways of being. London Calling was really my Soul Calling. Namaste to the lessons we learn and the blessings we receive. Peace :) xo