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2016: What. The. Actual. Fuck.

January 4, 2017

On this new year’s day, I find myself reviewing everything that happened and feel it is time to share my 2016 story.

 

Let’s backtrack briefly to November 2015, I decided to book my first surf and yoga retreat, because the intuition encouraged me to do so. (You’ll get used to this. Rational thought rarely enters my decision making. The “intuitive sword” must be obeyed!)

 

On January 31st, I received a Facebook message from someone I did not know. In their second message to me, they said, “come to Bali.” That was it. I heard my intuition say, “Go.” The adrenaline started to kick-in. Sleep disappeared. Within a week, I had my ticket booked. Within two weeks, a four year relationship ended and within two months, I had to find a new place to live. Every area of my life was changing. Was I scared…just a tad. Was I hella excited? Yep.

 

While I was hosting a surf and yoga retreat in Morocco, I fell in love. It would appear to most that I fell in love with a man in Bali. A stranger. But within me, I had a different experience. I fell in love with my potential. I fell in love with what life could be if I took a leap of faith, if I trusted in the unknown and foolishly stepped out into nothingness. Today, I write and face that nothingness.

 

All I knew was that the life I was living was not it. It was not the end destination. My boyfriend and I were happy, content, coasting along, feeling pretty good about ourselves and the life we had created, but it wasn’t it. Comfortable, yes. But something in me knew that wasn’t enough. Not for me and not for him. So, I ended it. My directness surprised me. Having been in some mega toxic patterns from past relationship, I know that lying only hurts more in the long run. So, the bandaid was ripped off. The relationship over and I was off to Bali to live my dream life.

 

 

 

In the meantime, I started working with a “backer”. A person who calls themselves a “contributor” because they contribute to a person’s business. I felt like a lucky girl. All loved up and high on the promise of financial freedom and international success.

 

Closing in on a year later. Broke. Homeless. Backer-less. And single. What. The Actual. Fuck!? I listen to my intuition, blaze forward, feeling on top of the world and end up here? Bali Boy dumps me and I dump the "backer". Shunned as a reckless crazy person. My old life ripped apart. The unknown consumes me. I'm done.

 

***

 

Of course, it doesn’t end there. Or here. Today, as I continue to complete this blog entry, I write, facing nothingness as a published author. I have written material I believe in whole-heartedly and I intend to continue sharing wholeheartedly. Yes, it would appear like 2016 has taken everything away from me. It kinda has. Stepping into 2017, however, I feel restored, supported, in love with life, and most importantly, I am in love with my Self. I can feel my own integrity and it is exquisite, my Spirit guides me and my sovereignty is my Truth. I am living “The Fearless Life” and it feels glorious. The truth really does set you free.

 

 

 

For 2017, I wish that everyone all over the world remembers their divine inheritance, their freedom, their love and has the courage to face the darkness, the unknown and jump!

 

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